My Life Selector Offers Only Insane Choices

Naruto Uzumaki, the despised \"fox demon\" of Konoha, lay beaten and abandoned in an alley, his future a bleak spiral of humiliation and loneliness. But as despair set in, a \"Not-So-Serious Life Selector\" system shockingly bound itself to his soul. Its choices? Nothing short of deranged: [Option 1: Forgive and gain healing]. [Option 2: Beat them and gain ninjutsu]. [Option 3: Humiliate their daughter for a perfect seduction technique]. [Option 4: Kill them for Rasengan].